The Permission Swap: Asking “Is This True?” Instead of “Is This Okay?”

A softly lit morning scene. A wooden desk near a window. A notebook open with the words “Is this true?” written in elegant handwriting. A pen rests beside a cup of coffee. The sunlight is warm, the moment feels quiet and grounded, a pause before honesty.

For most of my life, I led with the question Is this okay?

Before sending an email, I asked it.
Before speaking in a meeting, I asked it.
Before sharing an idea, I asked it again.

It was my quiet ritual of safety. A small way of asking for permission to exist, to contribute, to take up space.

But what I didn’t realize was that Is this okay? was not safety. It was self-erasure.

The Cost of Permission

Asking Is this okay? sounds thoughtful. It sounds kind.

But beneath it lives a constant negotiation of worth.

It’s the question that trains you to measure yourself against other people’s comfort.

It’s the reflex that keeps you from trusting your own clarity.

Asking for permission is not humility. It is the habit of self-doubt dressed as courtesy.

We learn it early.
At school, where girls are rewarded for being polite while boys are praised for being bold.
At work, where deference looks like professionalism.
At home, where silence keeps the peace.